UGH! that is not what I wanted to hear! I mean after all 2 Corinthians 9:6 says “Remember this: The person who plants a little will have a small harvest. But the person who plants a lot will have a big harvest.”
And I was sooo ready to plant a BIG crop, maybe bigger than was right for me at this point in time. Yet I was so sure if I was just willing to obey I would receive the direction to take that desire faithfully. So that has been my prayer for a LONG time.
I finally decided to take things into my own hands. “Maybe God is waiting for me to take a step in faith. Maybe I just need to venture out and see where things go.”
But I found myself losing joy in the direction I was headed. Could this be a nudging from God or was I lacking persistence? I stuck with my plans but it just became more pressure and less joy.
So Saturday I found myself with a to-do list that was long enough to fill a week of afternoons. A friend told me she writes that kind of list for the week, then, breaks it down a day at a time onto another list. This prevents being overwhelmed.
But as I looked at the list, all I could feel was rush, hurry, pressure to do it all that day. They seemed like little things but there were soooo many.
As I looked at the list before me, I realized none of the items were essential to be done. They would keep me busy but not productive in any way that mattered to anyone else…or even me actually.
I realize this has become a habit: to stay under the gun. I used to think it created energy and motivation as I checked things off my list. The more, the better I felt. But what is the point if it is just busy work? So I put my list aside for the day.
I decided to just take the day as it came to me. One project at a time, and then, and only then, would I choose the next thing to do. I could choose out of anything that I wanted to do.
I purposely slowed down. When I found myself doing the quick speed walking pace (that is my standard pace) to the library- I made myself slow down. There was no hurry.
It was becoming increasingly clear that I am living my life in high gear. And trust me when I say, my day to day life does not have enough important things in it to warrant this frantic pace and pressure.
Sunday I wan’t feeling like putting out that pressure again yet, so I took the day off after church. I let myself have an unusual day of rest and leisure.
Monday came and I once again forced myself to just slow down. That night, last night, I took time out to pray and then I just sat quietly by candle light waiting for God to speak to me. I waited 2 hours. And finally I heard in my spirit “Be content with where you are.”
But I am willing to put in effort!
I am willing to be productive in any direction God chooses!
I don’t want to squander my time! (… I have done that for too many years.)
Why would He tell me to be content with where I am at?
Shouldn’t He be pleased with my final willingness to take action…any action… in ANY direction?
But alas, He had spoken: Be content with where you are at.
I actually think this was tougher to hear than had He chosen a direction that I was uncomfortable with. Society tells us to grind, crush our goals. Do not be lazy or your life will be mediocre at best.
There used to be a lot of talk about TYPE A and TYPE B personalities. I am type A– driven, when I am in a healthy mindset. Rest, leisure…these are not friends of mine. They do not come easy. Even when I partake of such activities I feel immense guilt. Balance is not a strong suit of mine.
I have heard from the Lord and He said be content with where I am at. So I will surrender myself. It will be a fight for a while but I truly want to do His will. Running ahead of God will not bring good fruit. God does not have to bless what He didn’t call me to or agree with.
Has God ever told you to be content with where you are at? To not rush ahead? To just stay and appreciate what is?
How did you respond?
Until Next Time ~