A letter to someone being abused

TO GOD be the glory forever and ever, amen.
For He tolerates NOT the abuse of one person upon another.
It is NOT fit.
It is NOT right.
It is NOT justifiable — even and especially in scripture.

Kate May 29, 2020 12:32 am EST

I just read a couple (well written) horrible posts about how the church can support abusers and abuse or at the very least ignore the pain of the victim. HORRENDOUS!

I can’t even imagine.

Well maybe I can.

I had posted one of these articles on my FB account and said “this would never happen at my church Richmond FUMC”…but silence did occur when I first arrived with bruises in the women’s Bible study. And silence occurred when I told one of the pastors…who has yet to this day to say a word about it. He just listens as if he doesn’t want to get involved or pass judgement on my former boyfriend (who has not been in state in 3 years).

So…from someone who is a church going Christian let me speak to you — the one still being abused. Let me set the record straight with some intelligence and wisdom.

Should someone say “you deserve it.” Remember God says vengeance is mine…it is not for another human being to judge and take into their own ways.

I put that out there because that is how to respond to the Christian abuser who is breaking all moral and ethical laws through any kind of abuse.

IF someone is unhappy with you– let them pray. Let THEM pray.

Get up off your knees and quit asking for forgiveness from an abuser. Quit racking your mind about what YOU did wrong!

No one but the abuser is to blame. Hitting and hate are choices the abuser makes. There are options and he/she is choosing not to take them.

If the abuser is SOOOO unhappy that they “can’t help themselves(as they claim)” they have the option to leave forever. No one is keeping them where they are unhappy.

Get that through YOUR brain (as the victim). Have you ever wondered why THEY stay if they are so miserable and angry at and with you?
They have options.
They do not want to leave.
They are not put off by the situation.
They are fine with the abuse.
They are not so unhappy that they will remove themselves.
Instead they will continue to punish you for things that are not faults or even reality. They enjoy having control over you. Get that…they ENJOY this pattern.

I can say this because when people are truly unhappy they either leave or take action to make it better if they choose to stay. But the abuser does neither. Even if they think that they, themselves, have nothing to change— why don’t they get sick of the drama and go somewhere else?

IF life would be so much better with someone else… WHY do they not leave?

I know you have asked yourself that. It is a reasonable sound question. And the reason they do not leave, the reason they continue to stay even though they claim you have such huge faults that you cause them to do bad things to you…. The reason they do not just go to this imaginary better person is because they like the control they have over you.
They like not taking any responsibility for their faults and actions.
They like that rush of adrenaline and power surge when they hit, or demean you, or force themselves on you.

NO ONE deserves abuse.

You have not done ANYTHING to deserve it.

Seek help.

GET OUT!!! But be safe, doing it with help, because leaving while dangerous is still what God wants for you, His child.

GOD loves you IMMENSLY. He is NOT up there disappointed in you. He is NOT wrathful and waiting to hurt you. So WHO does this person THINK they are to be wrathful against you when the GOD and CREATOR of the universe is not angry with you?!!! IF God be for us…who can be against us? An abuser has no right to carry out their evil in the presence of GOD.

You deserve better…and better awaits you!

Living life alone is SOOOOO much better than being put down and tormented. Trust me I speak from experience. I have been there. I do understand.

But the lack of negativity makes up for any loneliness that comes along the way to healing. You are so strong. Don’t believe the lies.

You would call the police and help a friend escape— befriend yourself.

Get help today. Leave the house so you can freely make these calls: Call a help line. Call a shelter. Call the police.

Be safe— that is what you deserve.

God wants to give you peace beyond all understanding and joy to make you complete…that cannot happen if you stay in turmoil.

My prayers are with you now and tomorrow,
Blessing be yours– Kate